I've decided that I am probably in need of some CBT, to help me work out why I'm so relentlessly negative, and to learn how to change this. However, I've neither the time or the money for therapy, plus a distrust of counsellors (the only ones I've seen have been, in my opinion, useless). I've decided that I'm going to use this blog as a cheaper and easier way of sorting my head out. If nothing else I'll get feedback/advice from people who are actually interested, and aren't being paid to listen to me (my main problem with counselling- I can't believe anyone who charges by the hour is really all that interested in me)
What I need to do is to think about the things I do right, instead of the many, many things I do wrong. Easier said than done, but I can but try. Lets make a start, shall we? Here are some of the ways in which I am, in my opinion, a good role model to the small person I brought into the world.
I read. I don't always read books that are worthy, or educational, but I always have a book on the go. As a result of this I know a little about a lot of things, which makes me quite useful in pub quizzes. Which means that that when the young man gets to the 'but why?' stage of toddlerdom, I might have a chance of answering his questions, or, at the very least, will be able to show him how to use reference books to find the answer. (Yeah, like kids use books to look things up any more...)
I try to be environmentally friendly. I recycle, and always have done, I take my own bags to the shops. I don't drive, I use a mooncup, and the boy is in reuseable nappies. I try to buy second hand clothes instead of new, and will put on a jumper rather than put the heating on. There is lots more I could do (I buy imported, out of season foods for example), but I try my best.
I worked for charities from the ages of 18 to 26, with children with epilepsy and learning disabilities. Now that doesn't automatically make me a good person, I know that, but I like to think it makes me more open minded, tolerant and less quick to judge than I may have been otherwise.
I'm not rasict, sexist, homophobic, or otherwise judgy. Well, maybe I'm a little bit judgy, but only when the situation deems it necessary- like the time I saw a woman give a child of no more than 18 months old a can of Red Bull. Judgy pants were firmly on then.
I'm sure there's other things I could list, but I don't want to go on, for risk of sounding arrogant. To be honest, I've impressed myself by thinking of that many things. Maybe I dislike myself less than I thought.