Monday, 5 April 2010

Feeling a bit lost

I've come to realise that I don't know who I am anymore. Over the last few years I seem to have completely lost my identity/personality, and now I have nothing that makes me stand out.
I used to have pink hair, now it's back to it's natural colour (with slightly lighter bits at the end where dye is growing out)
I used to dress differently- skirts, brightly coloured tights, hippy type skirts and tops. Now I slum it in jeans and t-shirts- mainly because I was overweight (and then pregnant) for so long it was the only thing I could find to fit that didn't make me look hideous. I wore a short skirt, pink tights and Doc Martens for Nicky's party on Friday and I felt like me againfor the first time in I don't know how long.
I used to have definite favourite things- music, in particular. Though I don't want to go back to my Manics stalking days, fun though it was, these days I feel 'meh' about everything. I don't get excited about anything any more.
In short, I used to be a person. Now, I feel like I'm disappearing. So part 5 of my TYSIC is to find out who I am again, and get that person back.


  1. Sometimes I think that's part of getting older - life just carries on and carries on and you just don't have time to think about things because they're too complicated - you put the radio on, your jeans on, whatever, and suddenly, you've turned into something you thought you'd never be.

    So I don't think it's just you. But at the same time, it's the kind of thing that you can do something about... by stopping and thinking, more than anything, I guess.

    Although, I sometimes wish, when I was forming my identity, I'd spoken to younger self and asked her to commit to something that required less maintenence than funny coloured hair.

  2. I was going to say the same thing as Liz. It's just a tragic consequence of age. You're still you, just an older you. If you hadn't changed at at from the age of about 17 I'd say that was a bit weird.

    I reckon you just need a few new obsessions.